Low Self Esteem


Lots of people report on suffering from low self esteem, but there seems to be a broad range of ideas as to what it is.

Often people will say "it's how you see yourself" or how much you value yourself. I think both of these are close, but not close enough to be clear. I prescribe to the idea that Self Esteem is the effect of what happens when the way you see yourself (or Self Concept) is aligned with your personal values. This is set out by Author and Trainer Steve Andreas, as laid out in his book: "Transform Your Self: Becoming Who You Want to be: Becoming Who You Want to Be". It's well worth a read.

Signs of having low Self Esteem can be any one or more of the following:


  • Escapism (booze materialism, drugs, porn, shopping)
  • Compare self negatively to others and find self lacking* Heavy self-criticism, creating an experience of ongoing dissatisfaction with oneself.
  • Hypersensitivity to criticism, you feel easily attacked and experience a stubborn resentment of your critics.
  • Chronic indecision, springing from an exaggerated fear of making mistakes.
  • Excessive will to please: you're a people pleaser and unwilling to say "no", because of fear of losing favour with someone.
  • Perfectionism, or self-demand to do everything you do "perfectly", no errors allowed.
  • Neurotic guilt: constant condemnation for behaviours which not always are bad, and blowing up mistakes out of all proportion as well as cultivating a state of unforgiveness in oneself.
  • Floating hostility, irritable, ready to snap like an overstretched rubber band at the drop of a hat.
  • Very Defensive pessimistic about everything: life, future, and, above all, oneself) and a general lack of will to enjoy life.

While the above list are generalisations, they're often accurate and can resonate with someone with low Self Esteem.

What often isn't realised is that it's possible to have too much self esteem as well. I am yet to work with a client who reports this as a problem, and this maybe due to the fact that the indicators of this (see below) are unlikely to create a desire to seek help.

  • Narcissistic tendencies and a distorted view of oneself
  • Feelings of Superiority, you have to feel better than others in some way to feel better about yourself. 
  • Dismiss negative feedback, a lack of accountability for harmful behaviour
  • Lack of care for others: self centeredness and an almost inability to properly connect with others

To explore how you can get more Self Esteem, using NLP, Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy call now on 07903 713234

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